This Woman Gave Me The Love To Pursue to Create The Caffeine Radio ! (My GrandMother ) (OLD POST)

My grandmother, she meant everything to me. When I was a child, no one, and I mean No One loved me the way she did! (Besides my grandfather lol) She once told me, “You Dream it, You do it.” It was at that Moment I began to figure out what I wanted to be in life. A Photojournalist, which I did become. The bloody brilliant part, I began at a very early age. It was due to my mother doing photography and for the love of creative writing that ran in my blood.

Along with others in my family that did something of the sort in similar careers. Like my uncle Peter teaching me journalism, and my aunt Dorothy and uncle Mike who published a few writings in the local paper they published together. They gave me the knowledge and the experience they knew I need to have besides going to school for it! 

I had a lot of drama throughout my adventures of a Photojournalist. I had a lot of heartbreaks and major disappointments. Yet my grandmother was always telling me to keep pushing forward and move towards my dreams. I never wanted to hurt anyone and cause conflict, but it always seemed to me that a lot of people don’t want to work for anything and be given the handouts. They never want to be apart of the work that it takes to get things done. Yet my grandmother told me to stay focus and keep focused on what’s important to me. Never back down if I knew I was in the right. Never stop fighting for what I wanted in life. My grandmother was a fighter lol (Seriously). 

This woman would go to toe to toe with anyone if she felt her family was in danger or in need of help. I can’t believe she has left and gone to the heavens. I have always sought out to her for some guidance. Hell when I go home, (which hasn’t been much in the few years as I’ve gotten older) I just go see her and head to the bus and get on moving forward to what ever city I was going to next. I had always wanted to bring something back to her, to the family. Something so grand that she’d be proud of me. That’s what was important to me. I don’t think she knew how much she meant to me at all.

I never really called as much as I should have. I was sooo focused on the goal and plans of being successful. I wanted The Caffeine Radio to be the radio station where people would tune into, learn, share, debate and most importantly enjoy music, art and social conversations!  

I’m at lost from losing my grandmother. My feelings for her goes beyond what I thought I had for her. I never imagined that her time to leave would be before I make this plan of mine work lol. So many people have gone and come, with promises of being there for me as well for the dream. But no one was there in the end of the times. 

I lost the studio due to lack of support and funds. No one was there when I needed to figure out what was next. I’m serious I had so many people on air; DJing and doing talk radio, but barely anyone was dishing out money to keep The Caffeine Radio on air. But my grandmother would be there in ways no one in the family even knew about. No one. She’d tell me, stay focused, stay on your path, what was the whole point of it all if I was going to give up. But if I were to ever give up and just come home she’d have open arms. 

Of course my grandmother knew that would never happen, I have her blood running through my veins and I’m just a stubborn as she is. Especially when she gets in conversation or when she thinks she is right. (Anyone in my family knows this, you won’t win against her lol). I don’t know what to say, but I do know what need’s to be done. I have let down my children, I know this, I’m not the greatest dad. I know this as well. I’m no one’s hero. I know this as well. But I do know I will win  this, I will take The Caffeine Radio to the next level. As my grandmother told me before, stay focused, stay on my path. Damn I miss her, I truly thought I had more time. 

I thought we’d be someday laughing together, maybe even have her on my show talking about how she meet my grandfather. How they raised my mother. Now she is with them both and hopefully looking down and saying, “Stay focused and stay on the path.” I Miss all three of them. Written by Mr.BlackTie

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