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The Worlds Most Hated Man

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Let’s face it; cell phones really come in handy. It’s really great to be able to talk to your broker while you drive down Central Expressway, eating a breakfast croissant and drinking coffee.

What, do you think that’s dangerous? You say you want to make the roads safe by keeping guys like me from using my cell phone while I’m driving? I think you’re angry that you don’t have anything important to talk about, and I do.

Admit it, this is really about what you’re doing with your hands while you’re driving, isn’t it? It’s not the phone that’s the problem: hands-free kits take care of that problem. With an earpiece and voice activated dialing, I’ve got both hands on the wheel. I’m not the problem. Let’s talk about who is.

Here’s some homework (er, roadwork) for you to do. Time yourself performing these little functions the next time you are driving; adjusting the air conditioner/heater, changing the radio station, digging out quarters for the tollway, or adjusting the rear view mirror. These are all relatively harmless reasons to have your hands off the steering wheel for a second or two. See how many times you perform each of these on your next trip.

Now we come to real problem people. Women, do you put on makeup in the car? You jack the mirror down to where you can use it as your own little rolling dressing room. At least guys using and electric shaver don’t have to look at themselves in the mirror. Have you ever seen a couple arguing in a car? He isn’t paying attention to the road. And what about couples “arguing”; they’re paying attention to something else.fem

One of the most dangerous drivers on the road; Mommy, driving a Suburban, taking the kids to practice, while calling Susie to schedule their afternoon TaeBo class. If you’ve ever watched one of these pilotless tanks rolling through a right turn at a stop sign, you known what fear is.

And finally, to my last example of dangerous driving. I swear to you I’m not making this up, either. One evening on a major six lane road, I was behind a car of four people. They were flailing their arms wildly around all at once, like they were on fire. As I pulled up next to them, my extinguisher in hand, I suddenly realized that they were signing; speaking in sign language. They were deaf people YELLING at each other.

How in the world can you ever complain about a guy driving down the road talking on a cell phone, while there are carloads of screaming deaf people and moms ferrying tanks full of rioting kids?

by The Worlds Most Hated Man man5

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